Interview with a Priest of Pokmor-Xang

Posted by Rampant Coyote on April 1, 2013

Here is a special interview for April 1st. Because this kind of in-depth background is the sort of thing that makes the world of Frayed Knights come alive.  (And as a reminder, check back tomorrow for some Frayed Knights – related Stuff Happening).

Birz Flemmins is a priest of Pokmor Xang. Or, rather, a former priest of Pokmor Xang, as there was only one known temple where the the religion was practiced, and it is no longer in operation after not just one but TWO attacks by greedy adventurers after their secrets and treasures. Flemmins fortunately survived both assaults, and was willing to talk to me about the secret life of a priest of the pus god.

Rampant Coyote: So Birz, how did you first come to follow Pokmor Xang, the god of Blisters, Boils, and Pimples?

Birz Flemmins: Well, me family – particularly me mum – favored the goddess Karamesis… the goddess of ribbon and bunting. And home decor, I think. Me, I went through the whole rebellion phase, and one day I heard about Pokmor Xang, and started worshiping him. On a lark, you know?

Rampant Coyote: So it wasn’t serious?

Birz Flemmins: Naw, not at first, no. But it got me parents’ underclothes in a wad, so I was happy enough about that.

Rampant Coyote: So how did you go from that to becoming an actual priest of Pokmor Xang?

Birz Flemmins: We was in town at the market and I heard a man actually preaching about Pokmor Xang. It caught me fancy, so I listened. That man was Kratic Barg, the founder of the New Pokmor Xang Movement. Wot he said made sense to me.  Plus, he offered free donuts. Mainly the donuts.

Rampant Coyote: What did he say?

Birz Flemmins: Oh, he went on about bringing Pokmor Xang out of obscurity, and that the god’s gratitude for the restoration of his religion would know no bounds. Since I had me a serious acne condition at the time, I figured I could use all the help I could get. And dark powers of magic sounded pretty fun, too. Plus, me parents were pretty anxious to get me apprenticed out of the house. Partly because they were sick of me burning the appropriate incense to Pokmor Xang on our porch.  And they’d given up hope of me bein’ much good at anything else. So I signed on right then as Barg’s apprentice, and never went home again.

Barg taught us that wot we needed was a good “Public Relations” campaign for Pokmor Xang. He chucked the old-fashioned boil-ridden demon iconography and stuff like that, and instead used the happy Pokmor Xang wit’ the greasy breakfast image.  He also taught that people would respect and fear us when we displayed true power, and that would make all the difference and make us a major religion. Oh, and the occasional human sacrifice. Barg told us that nobody takes a dark religion seriously unless they hold the occasional human sacrifice.

Rampant Coyote: So were you there when he established the temple near Ardin?

Birz Flemmins: Oh, yeah. It was actually a former lizard-man temple of some ugly demon decades earlier. I guess some adventurers had raided THAT temple back before I was born, and killed all the lizard men. But Barg said that was perfect, as it still had some of it’s old dark mojo that would aid us in our work.

Lookin’ back, I guess knowin’ that the previous temple had been raided and all the inhabitants killed should have been a tip-off that it weren’t gonna end well.

Rampant Coyote: What was your greatest accomplishment in your time with the temple of Pokmor Xang?

Birz Flemmins: I’m pretty proud of the year or so I spent collecting pus to create the pus golems. You have no idea how challenging that was.

Rampant Coyote: I’m afraid to ask…

Birz Flemmins: You gotta secretly infect a town wit’ contagious boils.  Then you come into town a few days later pretending to be some kind of healer.

Rampant Coyote: I think I’m going to be sick.

Birz Flemmins: Too late, I’m retired, find yer own damn healer.

 Rampant Coyote: Uh…. where was I? The masks! What was it with the masks?

Birz Flemmins: They’re traditional, I hear. Plus they had an herbal compartment in the nose.

Rampant Coyote: Herbal compartment?

Birz Flemmins: For strong herbs. You work wit’ rancid pus every day, you need something to block the smell.

Rampant Coyote: Uh…. yeah. Okay.

Birz Flemmins: Believe me, lookin’ at some o’ my fellow priests – the masks were an improvement.

Rampant Coyote: How did you survive the adventurer assault?

Birz Flemmins: I was out in another town collectin’ more pus to make golems. Had two barrels of the stuff. Came back to the temple a week after the attack, and the place smelled worse than ever.

Rampant Coyote: So what have you been doing since?

Birz Flemmins: I been keepin’ busy.  Got a job as a thug, breakin’ arms and legs and stuff. It’s fulfilling. I still use my powers sometimes, too. I earn extra money on weekends entertaining at children’s birthday parties. Also, I heard that there’s a job opening up in an army of evil that’s s’posed to take over the world sometime soon, and they need evil priests. I figure I could apply for that.

Rampant Coyote: Any regrets?

Birz Flemmins: Only that I ain’t been able to get revenge on the bastards wot raided the temple.  Someday, I figger. Maybe wit’ that evil army.

 

Filed Under: Frayed Knights, Interviews - Comments: 2 Comments to Read



top