Posted by Rampant Coyote on January 1, 2013
Happy New Year, everyone! May 2013 be awesome!
I figured I’d start the new year by making some predictions. Since I don’t actually know jack, these are really easy, and I invite you to contribute your own! Here we go – my ten predictions for the new year:
#1 – The Ouya actually becomes a cult hit, sells a couple million. With the success of the indie game SphereCraft, selling approximately 2 copies per unit, development fever takes hold, and the Ouya becomes the dumping ground for 1 million game “apps”, making an average of $18.27.
#2 – Greece finally comes to the realization that not only are Ivan Buchta and Martin Pezlar game developers, not spies, but that military bases in Lemnos really don’t have anything worth spying on, anyway. During a break in their riots, they finally manage to find enough officials in the court system to hold trial and set the developers free.
#3 – Minecraft keeps selling craploads. (Hey, I have to put something in here that I can point back to in 2014 and say, “see, I was right!”)
#4 – Frayed Knights 2 pulls ahead of Minecraft in sales for the last four weeks of the year.
#5 -Ubisoft starts using Kickstarter to generate funding for games.
#6 – Not to be outdone by Ubisoft, EA opens an “indie” division, buying or building two dozen “indie” studios, now wholly owned members of the EA family. The only difference between these studios and any other publisher-owned studio is that they get crappy budgets. Dozens of game journalists write long screeds in Kotaku, Joystiq, and GameSpot about how these studios embrace the “indie spirit” and are thus legitimately indie. More indie, some maintain, than the other so-called “indie” studios operating out of their basements self-funded by the the owners working part-time at McDonalds, because, you know, McDonalds.
#7 – Grimoire is actually released, after nearly two decades of development. Dozens of indie RPG fans around the world are shocked and amazed. Then it goes on to outsell Frayed Knights 2 AND Minecraft.
#8 – Apple releases a new iPhone. 50% of current iPhone owners trade in their old models and buy the upgrade, and express 100% satisfaction with the improvements. Then engineers pop open the case and discover that it’s exactly the same hardware as the previous generation. Conversely, the totally re-engineered new Microsoft game console leaves players shrugging their shoulders and claiming the 360 was better.
#9 – Ubisoft tries yet another DRM scheme, from a company called HostageSoft, which threatens to burn out your video card, and send spam to your entire email list, and wipe your hard-drive in 24 hours unless you either prove your legitimate ownership of the game in a face-to-face meeting with a company representative, or deposit $100 for indefinite “safekeeping” in an anonymous bank account in the Cayman Islands. Ubisoft is shocked, SHOCKED to discover that this is considered “malware” and makes every effort to phase this system out by late 2018.
#10 – On December 12, game fans around the world come up with final definitions for “indie” and “Role-Playing Game” that everyone can agree on. Categorization becomes a cinch, and gamers around the world breathe a sigh of relief as a new era is ushered in, stripped of the uncertainty that fueled a million forum trolls. Then, at 6:15 AM eastern time on December 13th, a new kinda-sorta-might-be-an-RPG by some company that should probably be considered indie but is maybe not is released, and heated arguments once again erupt on hundreds of forums across the globe.
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