Stupid Female Armor…

Posted by Rampant Coyote on June 29, 2011

College Humor tells it like it is…

Definitely watch to the very end. “Oooo! Right in the shiny part!”

Filed Under: General - Comments: 18 Comments to Read

Julie said,

*applause* THANK YOU!! I have a BIG problem with stupid female armor- unless it’s paired with equally stupid male armor. Equal opportunity, and all that!

Mrs. Rampant Coyote
Kelly said,

I love how the Boots of Swiftness are high heels. But yeah, fantasy female armor needs to end the fanservice. Although… I suppose if the guys wear equally stupid armor then I would be okay with that.
Menigal said,

What? I wear my chainmail briefs to work every day. Nothing says comfort like tiny bits of interlinked metal in your voonerables. Yeowch!

Costumes should fit the genre. Pulpy swords and sorcerey kinda goes with the male-loincloth female-bikini look (equal opportunity, naturally), while more epic fantasy, which almost everything aspires to these days, needs more realistic, non-fanservicey body covering armor. Or quite commonly you see lots of ridiculously spikey stuff to go with the oversized, weirdly curved and/or split weaponry.
Bad Sector said,

That would be funnier if it wasn’t so long 😛
manic roper said,

I think we should go even further than the male loincloth. I mean a loincloth can still cover up a lot, so it’s not equitable. We need to get ye olde blacksmiths (or ye new 3d modelers) onto mass producing these (chosen specifically for their hilarious name) for fantasy men.

http://www.dugg.com.au/p/985537/cocksox-thong-cx05.html

But until that day comes, let’s stick with armour that actually works, for both sexes 😀
adorna said,

hmm .. I always sort of liked the bikini armor stuff, – though I agree that both sexes shold get armor to suit the genre.
I have to admit I get tired of the discussion. As someone who attends some fantasy conventions each year I’ve heard it for years. Strange thing is – it started out as a female complaint but now it has a lot more male supporters (its so unrealistic) while the women usually no loger care save for a few.

IF you really don’t like the look – well, ok.
If you want ridiculous armor for both sexes – I’m with you, I think its funny and real armor is pretty much boring.
But this whole realism debate is starting to get on my nerves. After all, this is fantasy. I don’t quite get why it can’t look like fantasy. nobody complains about female worriors at all, about dragons, the abundance of dungeons in a time when few houses had cellars, the not working locig of resurrection – thats all fine. Magic spells that cripple the whole logic of a town or world – well “Its just fantasy” but “unrealistic armor” seems to get a lot of people really worked up.
Maybe its not so much about people wanting less “fanservice” but about a new fetish surfacing?
Kelly said,

I’m okay with “its just fantasy” as an explanation for unrealistic armor if that goes for BOTH genders. Except most the time only the girls gets stuck with unrealistic armor while guys get realistically protected and completely coverred. Which means that the women’s appearance is nothing more than fanservice to the (supposedly greater) male audience. I think bikini armor is great as long as the guys are wearing “chainmail briefs” or “loincloths”.
Menigal said,

In seriousness, I think a far bigger problem is when the chainmail bikini or boob plate is the prime selling point of a game, with no effort to make a fun game behind it. I think we can all think of a few examples if we try.
Rampant Coyote said,

Naw! Game developers wouldn’t do that, would they? Hide a crappy game design behind titillating visuals? Sheesh, what kind of world do you think we live in?
Maklak said,

Chainmail bikini or other such armor irritates me. I much preffer “boring” normal armor with coverage and protection. Besides in a pseudo-medival setting women should have some decency, and not walk around half-naked. I also dislike, albeit somewhat less the naked stomach barbarian. Where its cold you want warm cloths. Especially when camping outside in snow. In tropical climate such outfits are more belivavle, but armor should still cover torso.

I find argument “but this game has some nonsensical stuff, so there is no point in wanting it to make sense in other areas” void. Suspension of disbieleif only goes so far, and is no excuse for ridiculousness. Besides it helps if at least some things in a setting make sense.
McTeddy said,

Guys…. I think we are all missing the point of the video…

“Oooooh right in the shiny part!” is clear proof that the less armor you are wearing the more likely it will be the target of an attack. Even with 4% coverage that little thing has a 100% protection rate with no penalty to movement… I think I could use a pair of them myself…

Now… on a serious note. I couldn’t care less one way or the other. I’m not at all bothered by barbarian women who flaunt their bodies… or by woman woman in full plate mail.

Unless the game claims to be ultra-realistic… I don’t really care if the armor is effective in the real world.

I’m already chucking fireballs around while backflipping with my dual scythes… followed by getting stabbed through the gut… only to shrug it off and chug a small red vial to magically repair my shredded internal organs… I’ve already stopped looking at it as following our worldly laws.

If a fantasy world claims that armor magnetically attracts weapons to it’s location… I’m okay with that.
LateWhiteRabbit said,

Maybe this explains the equality seen between the genders in medieval fantasy settings. As opposed to real medieval attitudes that kept women off the battlefield and in the kitchen, men are totally cool with women fighting beside them if it involves the women showing a lot more skin.

Plus, don’t women on the battlefield benefit from extra armor in the form of the men around them? That has been the study findings of real women on real battlefields in our world – the men she is fighting with take enormous and extra risks to protect them that they don’t take when protecting other male comrades in their unit. It is one of the arguments that keeps women from serving in the combat infantry in the Marine Corps. In essence, female soldiers are fighting with an automatic honor guard. (Of course, practical armor also helps – but then, “Most Writers are Male”.)

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MostWritersAreMale
Follow-Up: Zieh dir was an! | Animentor said,

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Maklak said,

The funny part about this video is that these guys think they are so smart trying to trick her, and only manage to piss her off 🙂
S Jones said,

I’ve been looking at a lot of Fantasy armour the last couple of days, and reading everyone’s comments on why ladies’ Fantasy is stupid.

Okay, so the chainmail bikini would be useful only as a distraction. But… The Celts frequently went into battle *naked*, protected at most by a helmet and shield. They held off the Romans for over 200 years.

Greek armour was routinely just shins, forearms, helmet and chest; half the body was bare.

I could cite other examples, but I know historical accuracy isn’t why we’re here. Point is, whatever we today *think* that ancient armour was all about, the period of fully armour knights was about 300 years, compared to about 3000 years when half the world did indeed go into battle pretty much in the buff.
Malkrow21 said,

“I love how the Boots of Swiftness are high heels. But yeah, fantasy female armor needs to end the fanservice. Although… I suppose if the guys wear equally stupid armor then I would be okay with that.”

Some of these comments seem to be complete oblivious to the fact that even male wear impractical armor in fantasy. I mean, have you guys seen the movie 300? Or read the graphic novel by Frank Miller, which the film is an adaptation of?
Stefan said,

I actually hate female armor with breast bulges and all that. But I don’t understand the people who say a solution would be to make male armor revealing and ineffective also. I would NOT be ok with having male armor be stupid too as a way to somehow make things more fair–that just makes things worse. It’s, well, ARMOR. It is supposed to protect you. If I am playing a medieval fantasy game or what have you, I want the characters to be wearing armor that is realistic.
Paul said,

Lets all be honest. The only real problem is that bikini armor generally breaks the supsension of disbelief. If a woman wants to wear bikini armour then fine but it should offer almost no protection. Bikini armour is designed for prepubecant boys -admit it- and tends to bring mockery to what is otherwise a respectable franchise. That said armor should never be dull. Just don’t break my imersion. Please.