Tales of the Rampant Coyote

Adventures in Indie Gaming!

[Archive] Life Lessons Learned Playing Computer RPGs

Posted by Rampant Coyote on September 11, 2015

DOS_0006Note: This article originally appeared in 2006. I was playing a lot of Oblivion at the time, but it included many other RPG life lessons. It’s amazing how much you can learn about Real Life from these games…

#1 – People will use really elaborate locks to protect their pickaxes and yarn

#2 – Strangers met in cities are usually safe. Strangers met out on the road between cities are almost always trying to kill you.

#3 – It doesn’t matter if they are hungry or not – wild animals are ALWAYS aggressive and attack on sight.

#4 – Wild animals also sometimes have pockets in which they carry loose change.

#5 – People really don’t mind repeating themselves endlessly.

#6 – Burials are only for people who died of natural causes. If someone dies due to violence, their body will be left out in the street forever and people will just learn to ignore it.

#7 – The world may be coming to an end, the invading monsters marching in the street, and the town burning around their ears, but merchants will always have time to haggle with you over prices and will always make sure they make a profit.

TavernMM4#8 – But the merchants are right – you’ve also almost always got time to sleep, have dinner, and run errands in the midst of an immediate apocalypse.

#9 – Weapons and armor made of soft, precious metals are somehow much stronger than their more boring steel counterparts.

#10 – Perfect strangers will seek you out to ask you to run errands for them.

#11 – Monsters may all look alike, but if one of them has his own unique name, WATCH OUT!

#12 – You may be the best locksmith / lock picker in the universe, capable of facing down villains that can wipe out entire ARMIES – but there will always be some doors that are invulnerable to nuclear blasts and completely impossible to unlock without the correct key.

#13 – Nobody has a problem with you searching through (or even smashing) barrels and crates if they aren’t inside someone’s house (and sometimes even if they are).

#14 – Barrels are great places to store gold coins and suits of armor.

#15 – An enemy can fire an unlimited number of arrows at you in spite of having only five arrows in their quiver. It’s like a pointy, hostile loaves-and-fishes miracle.

#16 – The cashier of any store is willing to buy your pocket-lint from you for half retail price.

Got any more fun lessons you’ve learned? Lets hear ’em!

Filed Under: Geek Life - Comments: 3 Comments to Read

  • Atheren said,

    People stop calling you “prisoner” and start calling you “hero” pretty quickly.
    Bandit caves honeycomb the world.
    You’re expected to have or learn lock picking skills, no matter how honest you may be.
    Ruins are never uninhabited.
    Reanimated skeletons are everywhere.
    Treasure chests almost always protected by a trap.
    Someone has time on their hands…traps are everywhere…spikes, gas, swinging blades and giants logs on chains…

  • McTeddy said,

    – The best way to learn any new skill is to kill things.

    – If a person asks you for assistance, no matter how small the task, they’ll give you a reward.

    – The greatest evils known to mankind can only be stopped by an adolescent farm boy.

    – Every village has a greeter to let you know that “This is Townson!” because the giant sign out front isn’t enough.

    – You don’t need armor, a chainmail bikini or a simple loincloth is just as effective. Probably more so.

    Holy cow… I could keep thinking these up for hours!

  • OttoMoBiehl said,

    Reminds me of the Evil Overlord list…well, at least to a degree.